if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think people are normalizing furries
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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