you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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