He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
