NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
