all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
