New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
