There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
