I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
