Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
