i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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