Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
