Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
