wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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