He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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