how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
