i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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