i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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