I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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