she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
