dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
