my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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