Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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