Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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