Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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