What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
