she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize