he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
