I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
