I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize