Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
