why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
