I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
