Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
