Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
