I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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