theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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