how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
