this will be a night to untag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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