Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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