No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
