Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
