The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
