My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
