I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
