I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
