Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
