Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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