K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
