This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i think my cat just said my name.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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