I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
