If that was your dad, he is hot
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
