We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize