i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
