Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
