We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
