There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
