I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize