Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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