He uses pillows to masturbate.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
