smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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