i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
