I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
