look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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