the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
