if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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