it wasn't lemon gatorade
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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