Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
