Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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