Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
