I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
