i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
